Lost it all,or, (FUCK!!!!!!)

Lost it all,
Lost my life,
from nineteen to present age,
Six-long years of piling prose,
all lost at this stage.

I died a thousand times again,
had joy and wept with rage,
recorded thoughts and feelings
for unknown windswept page.


And then, And THEN!
computer dropped!

Hard drive gone!
Corrupted!
I thought I'd saved the lions share.

But six years were deducted.

The Thai redshirts (unedited/unfinished)

Lese Majeste

Lord, god, king and country,
when one is not just,
all are corrupt.

It is from your vile corruption
that I want my freedom!!!
Will you deny me?

Your army feasts on my carcass,
and picks at my wounds.
My lifeblood nourishes its rotten flesh,
but when I fight back I am the terrorist.

It doesn't matter how you see it.
Your false perception is irrelevant because the truth will eventually blow it away.
I have bigger concerns.
I have bigger fears.


The men with guns will come,
And with the hubris of our almighty sovereign
They will wipe away my discontent,
And my patriotism will stain my shirt red.

The most successful of ants

I looked down when I was on the mountain top
And I saw the ants go scurrying by.
Tiny as they were they thought themselves huge
But they didn’t take long to die.

They scrutinized every move they made,
Those self important sots.
They busted their asses and never got laid,
Preferring to play their dreary little lots.


And so they marched in their little lines
And I watched them go on and on,
And They ate every thing around them,
Until all their food was gone.


They ignored every good thing that couldn’t be consumed,
Preferring to eat and eat and eat.
The last of them starved to death near some lovely new houses,
On top of the giant dead ant heap.

02/12/10

Poof

It all began in a flash and will end in an instant.
But to the eyes of the virus it will be an eternity.
The virus’s struggle is imperceptible to the eyes of god,
a spark so faint it cannot be seen in the darkness.

Fates are sealed, made, reborn and destroyed.
The universe expands and contracts like the snapping of a rubber band
It gives birth to life and crushes it over and over again.
All life is precious to itself, but in reality it is quite expendable



All life perceives is itself,
its struggle to survive.
Its use and exhaustion of one resource after another
until they are all gone.

Then it moves on,
Lives, dies, is reborn and dies again,
Nothing more than a puff of smoke,
The blink of the cosmic eye.

It does not perceive its entropy.
It is disorder,
Its universe a speck of dust in eternity,
soon to be swept under the rug.
Unbeknownst to all that dwell in its microscopic civilization.





Heather’s Lament



Used, betrayed, abandoned and dirty,

You never said that during the good times,

When we were drinking and hanging out with friends.

Now your star ascends and I cannot follow.

I’m going to burn up trying. Slugs should not be exposed to the sun.


Used, betrayed, abandoned and dirty?

What does that mean?

We were talking about football.

But she used this word

when I gave her bad news ...

Betrayal.

Betrayal for refusing to let go of something beautiful,

Caging something pure with filthy mits,

And too unworthy of it to even set it free.




Song for the damned (unedited)


Consider this,
From where and how do solace spring

Consider this,
Does crying feed its streams
And why and how,
Like zephyrs can souls float

It seems more likely that our thoughts will sink like stones!


And I keep trying just to die,
But dignity just slips away
And I don’t know how and why
But I’m too damned depressed to stay!!!!

So I seek death, kill me!
And I seek rest from glory,
And I’ve not faith,
To see the ending of my story

I know you think you’re doing right
But can’t you see you walk at night
Why must you haunt my mind
Oh can’t you see now that you are nothing more than blind led blind

And there’s no glory in great deeds. Kill me
And theres no anguish and no pain

There is nothing but contempt,
And the chill of god’s disdain\





Suicidality



Hymn for Sadie

(unfinished)

Terror,
Death on four paws,
Where now your deadly power.


Predator and man’s best friend.
You, indomitable hunting dog
have bitten the dust.

Your zest for life,
Sometimes manifested through chewed chain link fence,
raided garbage,
And sending neighborhood cats to the afterlife, was a thing to behold.


You could swim for miles
hated raccoons,
And made sport of killing them.


Slayer of pit-bulls,
Defeater of Dobermans,
Laid low too young.
The finest hunting dog I have yet known.


You weren’t wild and uncontrollable at first,
It took neglect to do that to you.
You were a kenneled up German Shorthair,
Going mad with unspent energy.

You grew though,
Became a consummate guard dog and companion,
And a reliable friend in the fields.

When you died so unexpectedly,
You still had paint on your ears,
I can only assume you’d been rooting through someone else’s trash

You were a Sneaky disrespectful and troublesome animal.
You were also a credit to your species.
You will be missed.



The fire and the aurora borealis


You are so far away,
Shimmering in the distance.

comforting me as I desperately burn in the frozen wasteland.
Colorful life amidst the freezing gloom

Though you are untouchable
Your light gives me hope that mine is not the only fire.

But you are so distant,
Far beyond the loving caress of my licking flames.

We are but brief sparks.
Part of a cosmic lightshow beyond comprehension.

But while other embers may draw more attention from others,
Your light outshines all to my eyes.

We blaze but briefly in the blank infinity,
But my how brightly you do burn.


Closing the shutters


Afraid to try and fail
the young man walked in shadows
until he lost his soul,
corroding himself
with idleness until he rusted away


A brilliant vision was shuttered,
It’s light lost to the world
When he closed his third eye,
He went on auto pilot.
He sank into visions.


He saw himself as nothing
More than a monster’s outstretched digit,
He finally let go.
Better to die
then to participate in the destruction of all life.


And so, he watched the destruction,
Hoped it would be swift and painless,
And agonized over the suffering of the mob,
the mob that would consume all life including itself.
He reasoned posterity was worthless in the void anyway.



Dust to dust


So what of it then,
I died,
Death struck suddenly,
And Christ didn’t bring me back.

to dust I returned.

And that pack of cigarettes I bought with my last three dollars
Was my legacy.

It was equally dust,
And to dust it returned.


Bad relationship

I didn’t want to kill it,
But it was just so ugly,
Staring back at me with those beady little eyes.

The thing was vicious,
It was cold.
So I killed it through neglect.

Didn’t feed it,
Didn’t water it,
Until it starved to death.

In the end it’s eyes were bloodshot
It wasn’t so menacing
I almost pitied it as I flushed it down the toilet.